Downing Street Fighter – David Cameron vs Ed Miliband
Welcome to the Delta Force Cobham Paintball Centre for the grand finale of our epic Downing Street Fighter series!
It’s UK General Election day, and the eyes of the world are set firmly on our flagship paintball centre as David ‘Cam-Lie’ Cameron battles Ed ‘Red Ryu’ Miliband for the coveted Downing Street Fighter 2015 title!
Both players have just arrived at basecamp and are immediately given their protective headgear and body armour. After a short safety briefing from the Delta Force Paintball marshals we’re ready to get the action underway!
David Cameron vs. Ed Miliband
Cam-Lie – fresh off the back of an unforgettable duel with Nigel ‘UKIP Vega’ Farage – looks in confident mood, while Miliband will be looking to build on his impressive victory over the enigmatic Boris ‘Torie Ken’ Johnson.
The first round will be played in one of Delta Force Cobham Paintball Centre’s most popular game zones – the aptly named London Apocalypse. Cam-Lie is playing host to American President Barack Obama, but the pair have come under fire and been forced to take shelter inside a London bus.
It’s Miliband’s job to track down the duo and assassinate them, allowing him to take power and claim the Downing Street Fighter title. Is he man enough? Or will Cam-Lie protect the President and keep her place in the top seat?
Ed ‘Red Ryu’ Miliband
Based on the infamous ‘Ryu’ – a ‘rough and tumble fighter with a goofy personality’ – Miliband is said to get slightly irritable when hungry. Ed’s most recognisable attire consists of a white karate gi with the sleeves torn off, medium length hair and a long red headband. He particularly enjoys the Counter Strike game scenario.
His signature move is known as the Hadoken – a slightly camp thrusting punch that releases an energy surge through the palms. At the time of writing it’s unclear whether Ed will purchase Delta Force’s optional armoured gloves from the basecamp shop, but we’d certainly recommend it.
David ‘Cam-Lie’ Cameron
Heavily based on ‘Chun-Li’ – the first ever female player in the Street Fighter series; Cam-Lie is one of the quickest thinkers on Downing Street. Her sharpness could prove vital on the paintball battlefield. On top of her protective paintball headgear and body armour, Cam typically wears white combat boots, a blue leotard with dark brown sheer pantyhose and skimpy blue panties – perfectly paired with a paintball combat suit.
Her signature move is the ‘Lightning Kick’ – where she repeatedly kicks her opponent (while they’re down) from a tilted standing position with incredible speed. Her favourite paintball game zones are rumoured to be Command Post and London Apocalypse.
Round one: Fight!
We’re underway! Obama will be hoping Cam-Lie can keep him safe from harm, but by the look on his face he’s clearly just clocked Cam’s blue leotard and brown pantyhose. This isn’t how things are done in the USA!
Miliband – who’s never won an arm wrestle, let alone assassinated a President – is looking slightly deranged as he makes his way across the bullet-ridden terrain. Maybe he’s hungry again.
The goofy gunman has the double-decker in his sights. All he has to do now is sniff out the President and take him down to Toast Town. Things are about to get interesting!
Round Two: Fight!
Red-Ryu has arrived at the bus and appears to be reaching for something. It could be a smoke grenade to drive his targets out into the open! A smart move if ever there was one. Here goes… he’s pulled the item out and it’s…an Oyster card!? What are you doing Ed?! You’re on a mission to assassinate the President of the USA. What part of you thinks you have to pay to get on the bus?!
Cam-Lie has obviously spotted Miliband’s act of stupidity. She’s tittering her head off and chest-bumping an overjoyed Obama, who now appears to be wearing Cam’s pantyhose on his head. Don’t celebrate too early Mr President!
Final Round: Fight!
Miliband is still standing at the base of the bus trying to scan his Oyster card. This isn’t a promotional tour Ed, we all know politicians never travel by public transport. Get on with the job in hand!
Cam-Lie and Obama seem to be discussing something. Are they going to go on the offensive? One hit and Red Ryu will be eliminated! Could this be the moment the Downing Street Fighter title race is decided?
THEY’VE GOT HIM! Cam has absolutely annihilated Miliband with not only some impressive fire but an optional paint grenade as well! Superb paintballing from the Conservative leader, who celebrates by running towards the Command Post game zone hand-in-hand with the President.
CAM-LIE IS THE OFFICIAL WINNER OF DOWNING STREET FIGHTER 2015!
But wait! The drama isn’t yet over. Keep your eyes peeled for a special, one-off fight between David ‘Cam-Lie’ Cameron and a special guest fighter!